Hospitality derives from the Latin hospes, meaning both “host” and “guest.” The root also gives us “hospital,” “hostel,” and “hotel.”
Hospitality is the mutual exchange of generosity
We tend to think of hospitality as flowing principally from host to guest, but originally it referred to generous reciprocity between both parties.
The Greeks especially embraced a reciprocal view of hospitality. Their word, xenos, means both “stranger” and “friend,” suggesting the social and cultural imperative to honor all visitors, feed and shelter them, and provide both material and intangible goods. Ancient Greeks believed gods walked among them, so such treatment was partly a hedge against offending a disguised deity.
A cognate, xenia, means both “hospitality” and “friendship,” notes Emily Wilson, in the introduction to her 2018 translation of The Odyssey.1 Xenia encapsulates the formalized rituals of the interaction. In return for a warm welcome, the guest-stranger must be gracious and also, significantly, offer stories of their travels and the world beyond the host’s threshold.
Here’s Wilson imagining the return of our weary hero:
There is a stranger outside your house. He is old, ragged, and dirty. He is tired. He has been wandering, homeless, for a long time, perhaps many years. Invite him inside. You do not know his name. He may be a thief. He may be a murderer. He may be a god. He may remind you of your husband, your father, or yourself. Do not ask questions. Wait. Let him sit on a comfortable chair and warm himself beside your fire. Bring him some food, the best you have, and a cup of wine. Let him eat and drink until he is satisfied. Be patient. When he is finished, he will tell his story. Listen carefully. It may not be as you expect.
Modern hospitality
Today, private hospitality is not entirely one-sided, as guests to one’s home generally bring a token of appreciation. It may be modest (flowers from the garden, homemade jam) or grand (vintage champagne, luxury chocolates), but politesse suggests it should not outshine the host’s own offerings. Guests are also expected to pen a thank-you note afterward, again with a degree of formality matched to the occasion.
Guests may also offer to provide a dish or drink to share during the meal. At the logical extreme of this lies the potluck, in which socio-communal duties are more equalized, although the host bears the most responsibility, so earns more social capital.
Storytelling by guests today is optional, but engaged and lively guests unburden the host from having to carry the event’s entire dynamic. This is especially true for house guests, who are advised “to amuse yourself by day and your hosts by night.”
Hospitality as industry
We also use the term “hospitality” for the professional services offered by restaurants, hotels, and related enterprises. Such venues refer to their visitors as “guests” even though such services aren’t offered for free. In these spheres, guests don’t pay with politesse and a story, they pay with cash and credit.
Homer. The Odyssey. Translated by Emily Wilson. New York: W. W. Norton & Company, 2018.
Images ©2026 Meg Maker
A few years ago, we revived a New Year's Day party that we had long done and then suspended. It's interesting what people bring as host gifts. People don't tend to bring wine; the attitude seems to be coals to Newcastle. One man, whom I have known for many years but more as a cultural acquaintance than a friend, is a passionate cook. He and his wife brought little jars of his homemade relishes and sauces. The first year, another couple brought an art deco Lucite wine coaster; the next year, a bottle of their favorite salad dressing and a set of carved wooden salad tossers. The chef/owner that I work with on her wine list brought a whole Romesco broccoli. People get very creative. We keep little boxes of dark chocolate-covered candied orange rind from Lilac to take to hosts of parties or dinners. This was a good read, Thanks.